Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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