i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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