My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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