Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
