Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
