Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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