If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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