it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
