Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
