you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
