I think my fart just growled at me.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
