i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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