so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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