Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
