Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
