Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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