This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
