Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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