Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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