You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
