He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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