Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
