I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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