btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
The Olympian is in my bed
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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