I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize
