I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
