What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
