FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
