I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
