my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
