Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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