Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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