I molested 6 butterflies tonight
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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