Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
