I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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