i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
