My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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