What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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