Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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