my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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