shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
