I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
