I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
