Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
