your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
