Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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