I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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