He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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