Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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