Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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